Dear Guy in Apartment 405,
What's the deal with you deciding that three in the morning is an ideal time to crank your stereo and assault me with your ghetto-ass bass-blasting speakers? I will talk to the building manager today. This is your free pass. Or perhaps I'll start practicing at home? I'll wait for some night when you get in late, and then I'll play long notes at 9 in the morning. You owe me four hours of sleep, bitch.
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Dear KSFY,
I know there were tornadoes last night, but that's no excuse to preempt Grey's Anatomy so that you can show Doppler Radar for two hours as well. Let the other damn networks do that. You know they've got digital weather channels too, right? Maybe that's why they weren't preempting their coverage to the extent you were. Because they've joined the 21st Century. They know that many people have televisions that pick up digital channels. Or they can track the weather on the internets.
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Dear Buffalo Wild Wings,
I remember when you used to be BW-3. I know the third W stood for weck, but judging by the service we got last night, it was probably W for wonderful. And you dropped it because your service blows. I didn't even know who I was supposed to stiff on the tip because there were like five of you who "attended" to our table last night. And by attended I mean completely ignored us, even when I was waving empty beer glasses in the air, trying to land you like a wayward aircraft. The beer was flat, you got our orders wrong. Seriously, you might have fourteen signature sauces, but I'd settle for three sauces and better service.
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Dear Summer,
Are you here yet? You can't arrive soon enough.
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Dear Senator Obama,
You and your campaign provide me with numerous laughs each day. And your habit of trying to explain to the world why certain people disagree with you is just about the most condescending thing I've ever seen a politician do. Some people value the 2nd Amendment because they grew up in families that loved to hunt. A lot of people go to church because they believe in God. Rural America isn't Republican just because it lost its job or it hates immigrants. If you want to be President, you have a hell of a lot to learn about the world outside your little Ivy League thought prison. But at the rate you're going, you're totally going to blow it. Good luck winning Ohio and Pennsylvania, jackass.
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Dear Milwaukee Brewers,
Why did you spend $10 million on Eric Gagne? Did you really think that was a good idea? Jose Lima had a couple of good years too. Then look what happened. But at least you finally got rid of Derrick Turnbow.
What's the deal with you deciding that three in the morning is an ideal time to crank your stereo and assault me with your ghetto-ass bass-blasting speakers? I will talk to the building manager today. This is your free pass. Or perhaps I'll start practicing at home? I'll wait for some night when you get in late, and then I'll play long notes at 9 in the morning. You owe me four hours of sleep, bitch.
---------
Dear KSFY,
I know there were tornadoes last night, but that's no excuse to preempt Grey's Anatomy so that you can show Doppler Radar for two hours as well. Let the other damn networks do that. You know they've got digital weather channels too, right? Maybe that's why they weren't preempting their coverage to the extent you were. Because they've joined the 21st Century. They know that many people have televisions that pick up digital channels. Or they can track the weather on the internets.
---------
Dear Buffalo Wild Wings,
I remember when you used to be BW-3. I know the third W stood for weck, but judging by the service we got last night, it was probably W for wonderful. And you dropped it because your service blows. I didn't even know who I was supposed to stiff on the tip because there were like five of you who "attended" to our table last night. And by attended I mean completely ignored us, even when I was waving empty beer glasses in the air, trying to land you like a wayward aircraft. The beer was flat, you got our orders wrong. Seriously, you might have fourteen signature sauces, but I'd settle for three sauces and better service.
---------
Dear Summer,
Are you here yet? You can't arrive soon enough.
---------
Dear Senator Obama,
You and your campaign provide me with numerous laughs each day. And your habit of trying to explain to the world why certain people disagree with you is just about the most condescending thing I've ever seen a politician do. Some people value the 2nd Amendment because they grew up in families that loved to hunt. A lot of people go to church because they believe in God. Rural America isn't Republican just because it lost its job or it hates immigrants. If you want to be President, you have a hell of a lot to learn about the world outside your little Ivy League thought prison. But at the rate you're going, you're totally going to blow it. Good luck winning Ohio and Pennsylvania, jackass.
---------
Dear Milwaukee Brewers,
Why did you spend $10 million on Eric Gagne? Did you really think that was a good idea? Jose Lima had a couple of good years too. Then look what happened. But at least you finally got rid of Derrick Turnbow.
1 Comment:
I love reading your blogs, this one is hilarious! I've never laughed so hard. :D
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